Fanatic. I Wanna Be like You

About the book:

Although they have never met in person, Maia and Olivia love each other. Both are part of Instagram sensation Turquesa Dukart’s fandom, and their love and adoration for her binds them together. With family, friends, and even society against them, they will struggle through to stay at each other’s side, convinced that love is all that matters. Everything seems perfect, until one day a secret is revealed and Maia suddenly finds herself stuck in a chaotic web she cannot untangle. Fanatic is a tale of passion, pain and struggle, each character fighting their own private war in two universes at once: the real one and the virtual one. YA author Mariela Peña takes us once again behind the digital curtain to unveil different manifestations of teenage love and new forms of human bonding.

Excerpt:

I’ve gone mad. I look in the mirror, but I don’t recognize myself. And if I close my eyes and look inside, it gets worse. I don’t know what else to do to cover the bags under my eyes. My eyes are constantly swollen, see? It’s like a permanent state of insomnia. As if every day was the day after an entire restless night without sleeping a wink. Look at these bags under my eyes. Here, look. This sadness is killing me, girlfriend. And please, don’t start with all that “Where there’s a will there’s a way” self-help crap again, because it doesn't help at all. I’m trapped inside my own body with this pain. How do I get out? ‘Cause, it’s like, I don’t know, everything’s so new to me, I’d never felt these things I’m feeling, not the good stuff and not the deep hatred and the disgust I feel towards her and myself and everything when I realize that I’m completely possessed, that she holds the reins of my life, the remote that controls my mood, that I can’t do anything without first considering what’s best for her, without putting her needs before my own. She’s the one who dictates my yeses and my nos and my maybes. Before she came into my life, I was just—normal. I would say that, despite all the troubles I had, have and will continue to have in my head, I used to be happy. Or, at least, I used to have many happy moments, you know, those where you feel you need nothing more than what you already got? Well, that’s how I used to feel until she came along. At first it was, I don’t know, like a summer storm, one of those that make you wanna go out and walk and get soaked from the tips of your hair to the very tips of your toes but that eventually make you ill. I don’t wanna keep living like this, I need to get out and don’t know how to do it. Do you know how many times I was ready to break it off and then, at the very last second, I was struck dumb by fear? Trust me, if I told you, you’d think I was lying, exaggerating. Actually, the last time was Friday, before all this hell broke loose. I was sure I’d reached my limit, that I was finally gonna do what had to be done. I got to the corner and, I don’t know, I really don’t know how to explain that feeling of being pulled backwards. As if a giant magnet was dragging me back. I couldn’t take another step. I turned back crying, unhinged. Do you see how crazy it is, what I’m telling you?

Translated by Rocío Molina Biasone - Edited by Paula Galindez